what price, glory?

[Dark Messenger]

I have the 'respect' of my peers again. Remember this this thread?

I've now reclaimed broadband and am a member (in good standing) at many (mostly one) BT site.
I now use newsgroups(my isp's server), emule (not edonkey2000 or overnet), and DC++(not Neomodeus Direct Connect) exclusively.

I was as surprised as you to see grabit, dc++ and emule all running in my system tray and thinking to myself how l337 I had become. Oh yeah Ares is the replacement for Kazaa nsane (whatever version it was) for porn mainly.

Getting a job facilitated all this and made it all possible. I remember the lady at the employment security commission saying to me that 'it'll happen for you' and it finally did nearly a year and half ago I re-entered the workforce after having been on hiatus for 3 to 4 years suffering various maladies including deep, dark depression and extreme weight gain.

I still have the weight but no longer the depression. I'm not sure how or when I began to accept myself for who I am..all three hundred plus pounds of me but I've come to love myself and not care SO much what other people think of me.

y'know when you are fat (at least for me) you become extremely self-concious and you think everyone is looking at or staring at you. If you hear laughter you think that they are laughing at you.

I am a religious person by what 'the world' would regard as religious. My definition of this is someone who holds belief in some higher power than himself. My views range from personal experience with this Creator I call God.

Yes I know the 'crutch' for mental and emotional cripples like myself. The excuse for all ill behaviour: rape, murder, rob kill and 'God' will forgive you because you say, 'sorry' lame isn't it?

My parents initiall taught me by belief system in God. It messed me up during my teen years in that I was taught sex was wrong or naughty and something that should be secret and ashamed of.

It wasn't until a few years ago after having argue'd extensively with an atheist whose point of views I could and would not hear at the time finally changed me. I've done two things in my life. I've used the Lord's name in vain. I think that means to say 'God damn' or to treat the name of God with irreverance like its nothing or has no meaning..sometimes I would get angry so angry I would just say it over and over again 'God damn', God-damn, Goddamn almost like that kid shouting 'Shazam' from an old tv show or cartoon daring or defying God to stand up and defend his name to me.

Anyway I remember thinking God could not heal my depression and he did. I no longer use any type of medication. I was once on high blood pressure medicine and anti-depressants I have no need of either.

Lol based on the length of this thread I'd say I only have need of a blog.

I say a lot of things to say nothing really. Only that I am here and I'm me and that I feel like talking enjoying, caring and sharing again hope that you to will allow me the freedom to do so.

Sometimes after I write things particuliar personal things about myself that are embarassing I often feel ashamed for making myself so vulnerable to others.

But the only worth that there is in life is in taking those risks. its how we find love. I hope I don't need to be ashamed of anything I've said here just now.

[cheapprick]

y'know when you are fat (at least for me) you become extremely self-concious and you think everyone is looking at or staring at you. If you hear laughter you think that they are laughing at you.

I don't think that's just you.

[YWD67]

I don't think that's just you.

Man will I second that one.

[zarquon]

You certainly don't need to be ashamed of anything you said. In fact testimonies like these serve well for the next person who has yet to overcome those hurdles that are in your past. I'm certainly glad that that an athiest has profoundly enhanced your perception of God. I always find it ironic that atheists professes to not have faith, yet it is far easier to believe that the universe was created by a creator than by a mere accidental point in time where it just suddenly came to be.

I refuse to believe that the can of coke in front of me magically appeared. Obviously it was created hence a creator as everyone would agree. Yet people do not apply this logic to the universe, an infinitely grander creation than a can of coke, far more reaching in complexity and systemic order. But the atheist chooses to believe it accidently came to be in a puff of smoke. Thats real faith, far greater faith than any christian could ever have.

To those who would mock and say your God is only a crutch, yes it true in that God himself is a crutch for us in life. I would rather lean on him in time of need than take a paralytic crawl through the darkness of life mocking those who show the courage to step out and say " i can't make it on my own. Help me God"

Thank you for having the courage to share your faith and experiences. I hope that those who need encouragement are encouraged by your experiences.

[evilmegaman]

interesting... I really don't have a higher power belief.. But I do believe in inner strength... I am becoming a hermit... But I really like night time... and when I am not allowed to do stuff at night - it sucks... But luckily I am staying happy... even with not much contact with people...

[Mels_Smileys45]

interesting... I really don't have a higher power belief.. But I do believe in inner strength... I am becoming a hermit... But I really like night time... and when I am not allowed to do stuff at night - it sucks... But luckily I am staying happy... even with not much contact with people...

Hurm! Everything you said applies to me too. My friends keep telling me I'm becoming a hermit and I rarely venture out in the day light either. Mostly I ostracized myself from my group of friends because all they want to do is party or sit around and get high and I got sick of that. Ive been sober two years so now they think I'm strange. It sucks in many ways because Ive lost most of my life long friends. I just can't be around that sort of thing anymore as Im trying to motivate myself to do things Ive always wished I could do. I've only recently started to believe in myself again.

[kerjodando]

I have the 'respect' of my peers again. Remember this this thread?

I've now reclaimed broadband and am a member (in good standing) at many (mostly one) BT site.
I now use newsgroups(my isp's server), emule (not edonkey2000 or overnet), and DC++(not Neomodeus Direct Connect) exclusively.

I was as surprised as you to see grabit, dc++ and emule all running in my system tray and thinking to myself how l337 I had become. Oh yeah Ares is the replacement for Kazaa nsane (whatever version it was) for porn mainly.

Getting a job facilitated all this and made it all possible. I remember the lady at the employment security commission saying to me that 'it'll happen for you' and it finally did nearly a year and half ago I re-entered the workforce after having been on hiatus for 3 to 4 years suffering various maladies including deep, dark depression and extreme weight gain.

I still have the weight but no longer the depression. I'm not sure how or when I began to accept myself for who I am..all three hundred plus pounds of me but I've come to love myself and not care SO much what other people think of me.

y'know when you are fat (at least for me) you become extremely self-concious and you think everyone is looking at or staring at you. If you hear laughter you think that they are laughing at you.

I am a religious person by what 'the world' would regard as religious. My definition of this is someone who holds belief in some higher power than himself. My views range from personal experience with this Creator I call God.

Yes I know the 'crutch' for mental and emotional cripples like myself. The excuse for all ill behaviour: rape, murder, rob kill and 'God' will forgive you because you say, 'sorry' lame isn't it?

My parents initiall taught me by belief system in God. It messed me up during my teen years in that I was taught sex was wrong or naughty and something that should be secret and ashamed of.

It wasn't until a few years ago after having argue'd extensively with an atheist whose point of views I could and would not hear at the time finally changed me. I've done two things in my life. I've used the Lord's name in vain. I think that means to say 'God damn' or to treat the name of God with irreverance like its nothing or has no meaning..sometimes I would get angry so angry I would just say it over and over again 'God damn', God-damn, Goddamn almost like that kid shouting 'Shazam' from an old tv show or cartoon daring or defying God to stand up and defend his name to me.

Anyway I remember thinking God could not heal my depression and he did. I no longer use any type of medication. I was once on high blood pressure medicine and anti-depressants I have no need of either.

Lol based on the length of this thread I'd say I only have need of a blog.

I say a lot of things to say nothing really. Only that I am here and I'm me and that I feel like talking enjoying, caring and sharing again hope that you to will allow me the freedom to do so.

Sometimes after I write things particuliar personal things about myself that are embarassing I often feel ashamed for making myself so vulnerable to others.

But the only worth that there is in life is in taking those risks. its how we find love. I hope I don't need to be ashamed of anything I've said here just now.

Someone speaking sense at ZP!

I agree with you whole heartedly.

I've been through many tough times and have often felt myself on the edge of despair.

I have turned to G_d, and unlike many others at ZP, I have found it a help.

Religion is generally a positive force in most peoples lives.

So hats off to the believers. We have to speak-up and stop the non-believers from setting the agenda.

Good luck DM.

Thanks for your words they were uplifting.

[Excrement_Cranium]

Brudda, I feel your pain.

I was shocked to hit the scales and see I had hit 270.

I could really give a shit less about what people think about how I look, but with a family history of type II diabetes, and heart disease, I have to do something.

My step-brother went veggie, and shed over 200lbs... at 30 years old. It was amazing.


But... how can I rob myself of ZP time to save myself?


The crowd beckons!!!

[kari14]

Brudda, I feel your pain.

I was shocked to hit the scales and see I had hit 270.

I could really give a shit less about what people think about how I look, but with a family history of type II diabetes, and heart disease, I have to do something.

My step-brother went veggie, and shed over 200lbs... at 30 years old. It was amazing.


But... how can I rob myself of ZP time to save myself?


The crowd beckons!!!

I'm 5'5 and I weight 125 but my parents constantly call me fat and say I should be losing weight for some reason. I think it's because I come from Asian culture, and it's accepted for a girl to be really thin. I've been feeling fat my whole life.I wish they'd stop. I'm sorry for your pain. I feel it. I wish we can just all be normal no matter what our weight is.

[Potato]

Anyway I remember thinking God could not heal my depression and he did. I no longer use any type of medication. I was once on high blood pressure medicine and anti-depressants I have no need of either.

I smiled for you.

[Dark Messenger]

I smiled for you.

re-reading that bit I'm not sure what I said there. :p

[Excrement_Cranium]

I'm 5'5 and I weight 125 but my parents constantly call me fat and say I should be losing weight for some reason. I think it's because I come from Asian culture, and it's accepted for a girl to be really thin. I've been feeling fat my whole life.I wish they'd stop. I'm sorry for your pain. I feel it. I wish we can just all be normal no matter what our weight is.

If that is fat, then I still have a full head of hair.


Now..... I'm not nuts. I don't think I have to be all thin.... no anorexia risk here. Before my first daughter was born... I freaked out over the whole becoming a parent thing and dropped from an athletic 225 to an emaciated 160lbs...

I have some pictures of me at that weight, and it is disgusting... a nice chub will always be far more attractive to me than rail thin.

My "ideal weight" for my height (6') is listed as 180... 180?!?!?!?!?!? Yeah, right. I don't need to look like one of the crackheads that shop at my store.

[shawners]

Hurm! Everything you said applies to me too. My friends keep telling me I'm becoming a hermit and I rarely venture out in the day light either. Mostly I ostracized myself from my group of friends because all they want to do is party or sit around and get high and I got sick of that. Ive been sober two years so now they think I'm strange. It sucks in many ways because Ive lost most of my life long friends. I just can't be around that sort of thing anymore as Im trying to motivate myself to do things Ive always wished I could do. I've only recently started to believe in myself again.

Im pretty sure they left you cause your still using winmx and couldnt get them the latest/greatest release. Actually friends will always come and go. You prioritize your life of what you want, or need. People who dont sustain you are always left behind. You either move, get married, new job, new house/apt or grow up, or others do that to you. I think everyone says that they dont care what others think, is a bit too much. It affects everything you consume, and do. Even when you dismiss it darkmess. It comes back to haunt you. Girls and guys like bigger people, the fact your self conscious or insecure makes you the outside of the circle, no self confidence to approach people or talk to people. Just be assertive and people will respect that =) Plus, being big just means there is more of you to love, as well as watch out for when dancing on a balcony a few stories up.

[mfgbypooter]

Originally Posted by Mels_Smileys45
Hurm! Everything you said applies to me too. My friends keep telling me I'm becoming a hermit and I rarely venture out in the day light either. Mostly I ostracized myself from my group of friends because all they want to do is party or sit around and get high and I got sick of that. Ive been sober two years so now they think I'm strange. It sucks in many ways because Ive lost most of my life long friends. I just can't be around that sort of thing anymore as Im trying to motivate myself to do things Ive always wished I could do. I've only recently started to believe in myself again.

Im pretty sure they left you cause your still using winmx and couldnt get them the latest/greatest release.

lmao.

But really, who needs friends when you've got all your downloads to keep you company, right shawners?

*

[Dark Messenger]

as well as watch out for when dancing on a balcony a few stories up.

priceless.