Eric: Well, for those of us not in cults, I think there's something to be said for surrendering to destiny. I mean if it's destiny there's probably a reason for it, right?
Jaye: Okay.
Eric: So why struggle with fate? Life can be sort of peaceful when you stop struggling.
Jaye: It's a lot like drowning that way.
*
Jaye: Are you a lesbian? I mean, it's not horribly surprising, but are you?
Sharon: What do you mean it's not horribly surprising?
Jaye: You drive an SUV.
*
Eric: You know, I've been thinking. I'm almost numb enough to start something on the rebound. What do you say?
Jaye: Sweet of you to offer, but... I may be clinically insane. You might wanna hold out for someone a little more stable.
Eric: I don't think that'd be as interesting.
*
Jaye: You may have all my friends snookered, but not me! You're like that girl in that movie who wanted to be that other girl so much she killed for it!
Binky: Grease?
Jaye: Single White Female!
Binky: No, I'm st-st-
Jaye: Stalking me?!
Binky: St-st-
Jaye: Stabbing me?!
Binky: St-st-
Jaye: Stealing my organs after you stab me?!
Binky: St-st-
Jaye: Stitching a skin suit out of my dead corpse after you stab me and steal my organs?!
Binky: I'm STUDYING you!
Jaye: Huh?... Wha...?
*
"Oh, she's gonna pay. Then she's gonna pay some more. And when she's done paying, she's gonna owe me a check."
*
"No, it's not an issue. It's a full subscription."
*
Jaye: Does Mom know you're a lesbian?
Sharon: No.
Jaye: Can I tell her?!
*
Binky: Excuse me, I think this is yours (hands wallet to Jaye)
Jaye: Oh yeah, thanks I was looking fo.. Oh my god, it really is mine!
*
"Did you Agnes of God her?" Jaye to the priest
*
They are talking about Eric's ass.
Mahandra: It's like an apple. You could bounce a quarter off that apple.
Jaye: Apples are good for you.
Mahandra: Mmm. All crisp and sweet. And you haven't had an apple in months.
*
Jaye: Sorry he cant come to the phone right now, he's servicing me sexually.
Eric:Who was that?
Jaye:Your wife, I told her you couldnt come to the phone, cause you were sexually servicing me.
Eric reacts as if Jaye just turned into light.
ERIC
Really?
JAYE
Yeah. Was that inappropriate?
He practically swoons, struck speechless.
ERIC
Huh-uh.
Jaye glances back to the crowd, distracted again by what the universe and a plastic fowl has demanded of her:
JAYE
Wish I could destroy Heidi instead.
Least I think she'd deserve it.
Fire works explode in Eric's eye's.
*
Mahandra: "You may be fate's butt puppet but I am it's right hand fist of fate!!!"
*
To Sharon:
Mom: Your sister's not a cold-blooded murderer, she's never been a planner.
*
AARON
If your portly Chupacabra doesn't
emerge soon I'll be forced to go
home and work on my dissertation.
JAYE
I don't call him that anymore. He
might be of Mexican descent. I
don't wanna seem insensitive.
AARON
Then what d'you call him?
JAYE
Fat Pat.
*
JAYE
And why the phony
stutter? Some people might think it's offensive and not just funny.
*
eric:So, do you do this sort of thing a lot? Go out of your way to help people you dont even know?
Jaye:Um...I wouldn't say a lot....
Eric:Me either. Heidi wouldn't allow it. She always said I shouldn't open my mouth to strangers.
Jaye: Kind of ironic, you know... Considering
*
Sharon: You have...been with a woman before?
Beth-Yeah, I was in a sorority.
Sharon-So was I, I never got any!
*
Sharon: Tense? I'm not tense! I'm so far from tense, I'm past tense!
*
Jaye: I could see doing a girl. If I was in prison ... and the girl was Drew Barrymore. [Sharon puts her hand over her face in an "oh geez" manner.] What?! I was just trying to be supportive.
*
BOY: So what happened to the Chief?
JAYE: He died.
BOY: Why didn't the Princess die?
JAYE: Because she was hot, are you going to buy the tape or not?
BOY: No.
JAYE: Then get out. No loitering.
*
Jaye: Low blood sugar, ate a Snickers, thanks for coming!
*
Sharon: "That sound you hear is stunned silence!"
*
Father Scofield
It's holy water, not magic water.
Jaye
What's the difference?
*
aye
You're writing an article on how I'm a loser?
Bianca
No, it's really about winners, who haven't won yet... or ever.
*
Gretchen: "I'm sort of a Christmas and Easter Jew."
*
Gretchen: "What people must think of me? "
Jaye: "People don't think of you.... badly."
Gretchen: "Really. people don't see me as this pathetic blonde who peaked in high school and is so desperate to recapture her former glory that she moved up the ten year reunion by 3 1/2 years?"
Jaye: Uh...
*
Jaye: Does Mom know you're a lesbian?
Sharon: No.
Jaye: Can I tell her?!
*
Mahandra: And what happens when you repress something?
Jaye (hopefully): It goes away?
Mahandra: It comes back all crazy and pissed off.
*
Mouthbreather: I'm the assistant manager. If you suck, it reflects on me. So stop sucking!
*
Eric drops everything and walks away. Heidi starts after him, but Mahandra darts in front of her, blocking her path.
Mahandra
Just an FYI...You got nothin on "that girl". Men drop at Jay Tyler's feet. Often it's because she's decked them, still... trust me, you don't want to take her on.
Heidi just pushes past Mahandra. Mahandra calls after her:
Mahandra (cont'd)
Mess with the bull you get the whores... Horns ... I meant horns!
*
Jaye (to Mahandra)
I didn't think it would hurt this much.
Seeing him with her. In wedded bliss.
Without me. And with her. Oh God, he's
gonna grow old with her, isn't he? And
I'm gonna die alone. Will you die alone
with me?
*
GIRL: You're not supposed to steal.
JAYE: And you're not supposed to talk to strangers. Piss off!
Originally Posted by Potato
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