axlman
August 1st, 2005, 08:42 PM
A major research institution just announced the discovery of the
heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named
"Governmentium". Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75
deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic
mass of 311.
These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which
are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4
days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but,
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since
each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists
to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain
quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as
"Critical Morass". When catalyzed with money Governmentium becomes
Administratium, an element which radiates just as much energy, since it has
1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons.
heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named
"Governmentium". Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75
deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic
mass of 311.
These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which
are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4
days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but,
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since
each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists
to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain
quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as
"Critical Morass". When catalyzed with money Governmentium becomes
Administratium, an element which radiates just as much energy, since it has
1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons.