25 Rules of being a Good Republican..........

[jona100]

1) You believe that drug addiction is a moral failing and a crime, unless the addict is a millionaire conservative radio jock which then makes it an "illness" and he needs our prayers for his "recovery".

2) You believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.

3) You believe that the US should get out of the UN, and that our highest national priority is to enforce the UN's resolutions against Iraq.

4) You believe that government should stay out of people's lives but it needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the "wrong" gender.

5) You believe that pollution is okay, so long as it makes a profit.

6) You believe in prayer in schools, as long as they don't pray to Allah or Buddha.

7) "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

8) You believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever.

9) You believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you, and that Jesus shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary.

10) You hate the ALCU for representing convicted felons, but they owed it to the country to bail out Oliver North.

11) You believe that the best way to encourage military morale is to praise the troops overseas while cutting their VA benefits.

12) You believe that group sex and drug use are degenerate sins that can only be purged by running for governor of California as a Republican.

13) You believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.

14) You believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to alienate our allies and then demand their cooperation and money.

15) You believe that government medicine is wrong and that HMOs and insurance companies have your best interests at heart.

16) You believe that giving free health care to all Iraqis is sound government policy but giving free health care to Americans is socialism.

17) You believe that tobacco's link to cancer and global warming are "junk science", but Creationism should be taught in schools.

18) You believe that waging war with no exit strategy was wrong in Vietnam but right in Iraq.

19) You believe that Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney was doing business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

20) You believe that government should restrict itself to just the powers named in the Constitution, which includes banning gay marriages and censoring the internet.

21) You believe that the public has a right to know about the adulterous affairs of Democrats, while those of Republicans are a "private matter".

22) You believe that the public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades but that Bush was right to censor 28 pages from the Congressional 9.11 report because you just can't handle the truth.

23) You support state rights, which means Ashcroft telling states what locally passed voter initiatives he will allow them to have.

24) You believe that what Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest but what Bush did in the 80s is "stale news" and "irrelevant".

25) You believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because it is communist, but trading with China and Vietnam is good for business.

[notbob]

1) You believe that drug addiction is a moral failing and a crime, unless the addict is a millionaire conservative radio jock which then makes it an "illness" and he needs our prayers for his "recovery".

2) You believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.

3) You believe that the US should get out of the UN, and that our highest national priority is to enforce the UN's resolutions against Iraq.

4) You believe that government should stay out of people's lives but it needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the "wrong" gender.

5) You believe that pollution is okay, so long as it makes a profit.

6) You believe in prayer in schools, as long as they don't pray to Allah or Buddha.

7) "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

8) You believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever.

9) You believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you, and that Jesus shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary.

10) You hate the ALCU for representing convicted felons, but they owed it to the country to bail out Oliver North.

11) You believe that the best way to encourage military morale is to praise the troops overseas while cutting their VA benefits.

12) You believe that group sex and drug use are degenerate sins that can only be purged by running for governor of California as a Republican.

13) You believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.

14) You believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to alienate our allies and then demand their cooperation and money.

15) You believe that government medicine is wrong and that HMOs and insurance companies have your best interests at heart.

16) You believe that giving free health care to all Iraqis is sound government policy but giving free health care to Americans is socialism.

17) You believe that tobacco's link to cancer and global warming are "junk science", but Creationism should be taught in schools.

18) You believe that waging war with no exit strategy was wrong in Vietnam but right in Iraq.

19) You believe that Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney was doing business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

20) You believe that government should restrict itself to just the powers named in the Constitution, which includes banning gay marriages and censoring the internet.

21) You believe that the public has a right to know about the adulterous affairs of Democrats, while those of Republicans are a "private matter".

22) You believe that the public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades but that Bush was right to censor 28 pages from the Congressional 9.11 report because you just can't handle the truth.

23) You support state rights, which means Ashcroft telling states what locally passed voter initiatives he will allow them to have.

24) You believe that what Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest but what Bush did in the 80s is "stale news" and "irrelevant".

25) You believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because it is communist, but trading with China and Vietnam is good for business.

i would like to subscribe to your newsletter

you rule

[Miniver]

Amen to that. Preach on.

[Kooperman]

If jona100 had posted that clever list while the previous management of ZP was keeping the forums free from non-GOP views, the punishment would have be anal skewering and an immediate trade to BeatKing for a 23rd round draft choice.

[Wolfie]

i would like to subscribe to your newsletter



Me too. :)

If jona100 had posted that clever list while the previous management of ZP was keeping the forums free from non-GOP views, the punishment would have be anal skewering and an immediate trade to BeatKing for a 23rd round draft choice.

We should invite him to come over to BK anyway. ;)

[FrozenShadow23]

Very impressive, did you come up with those, or find them somewhere? Entertaining none the less, though I would like to point out that I don't like democrats much either, but they happen to be the lesser of two evils for the time being.

[Siskabush]

Well done. That is a great list. Lots of truth.

[Monty Burnz]

The Republican party has really gone downhill. I don't even consider it conservative anymore.

When an act is put into place that "limits freedom." Isn't that adding government involvment? Very non-conservative in my opinion.

Same with foreign affairs. How is invading a sovereign country conservative. You used to vote republican when you wanted a strong foreign leader who would always use diplomacy first and force second.

We need new partys. Big time.

[rebirth]

I read that to my strict Republican parents. They ignored me at the time :) Fuckin' Love it. You're a god. (if you believe in that sort of drivel:P)

[rebirth]

wait wait...and your liberal agenda is supposed to be accepting, non-judgemental and non-stereotypical?
Please, your hypocritical nonsense hurts your leftist, idealistic, blame-america-first cause.

-Juice
Haw. You're outnumbered. We win :P:P:P

[wonderboy2005]

wait wait...and your liberal agenda is supposed to be accepting, non-judgemental and non-stereotypical?
Please, your hypocritical nonsense hurts your leftist, idealistic, blame-america-first cause.

-Juice

acceptance only goes so far. if someone fucks up, I'm not really all that accepting. No human is nonjudgemental - some might like to think they are, but they aren't. As for this being a stereotype, yes, I suppose it is - but in the same sense, you are being stereotypical in labelling democrats as "accepting, non-judgemental and non-stereotypical."

we're hypocrytical? if that isnt the pot calling the kettle black, i dont know what is. And how is it nonsense? Prove to me that none of that is true.

I really dont take any offense to being called leftist or idealistic - they portray my political views fairly accurately. as for our "blame-america-first cause," well I think you just pulled that one out of your ass. I personally blame Bush for alot of things. If he is 'America," then I better buy me a bus ticket to Canada ASAP.

[rebirth]

What wonderboy said. Really.

[jona100]

If you that being a regular joe republican was bad, wait until you read what it means to be a far right conservative republican.

1. You have to believe that teenagers shouldn't learn about safe sex because ignorance is the best way to prevent pregnancy, and besides, only those homos get AIDS and you thank God for that.

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to lead all kids in prayer regardless of their faith as long as it's your faith.

3. You have to believe it is intelligent to buy a gun to protect your family and home despite the fact that you are 40 times more likely to kill your own family member than an intruder.

4. You have to believe that it's OK to have an affair as long as you divorce your spouse after you've been caught and marry the mistress. (Dole, Reagan, Gingrich, Barr, etc.)

5. You have to believe that your SUV should be exempt from emission standards even though it spews out 4 times the pollution of any car, because you enjoy sitting high above the congested traffic.

6. You have to believe abortion is always wrong because all lives are precious and you'll kill any doctor who performs one.

7. You have to believe that the minimum wage should be outlawed because thanks to the extreme generosity of corporations you are overpaid.

8. You have to believe that your children will have a well-rounded education by banning books in the public schools and libraries.

9. You have to believe that in case the government goes bad, you'll need your handgun to successfully fight off an organized army that has tanks, aircraft, battleships, missiles, satellites, and 2 million well-trained soldiers.

10 You have to believe that the NRA is good because it supports a self-serving portion of the Constitution, but the ACLU is bad because it supports all portions of the Constitution, even the right for your fellow Klansmen to have a parade in a Jewish neighborhood.

11. You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large multinational corporations should make decisions affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever.

12. You have to believe that diversity on your presidential ticket means two Texas millionaire oilmen from different corporations.

13. You have to believe the Hate Crimes Bill is bad because it gives "special protection" to a group of people, but think that laws that prohibit citizens from suing Tobacco Corporations, Gun-makers and HMOs are not special protection.

14. You have to believe that freedom of speech is cherished as long as you like what is being said.

15. You have to believe that over the past 20 years, no Presidential primary is complete without the name Dole and/or Bush on it.

16. You have to believe that trickle-down economics works because the rich surely won't keep all that money to themselves. Look how well it worked during the Reagan-Bush years.

17. You have to believe Clinton is bad because he lied about a private sexual indiscretion under oath, but Ronald "I don't remember" Reagan and George "I wasn't there" Bush are heroes because they lied under oath about illegally selling arms to Iranian militants and giving the cash to drug-smuggling Nicaraguan Contras.

18. You have to believe that its OK for government to sanction religion just as long as it's your religion.

19. You have to believe the homosexual agenda is to get a purple Tele-Tubby to turn our children gay.

20. You have to believe that hunters need assault weapons to assist in natural selection, because they shoot only the starving and sick animals and will not shoot that magnificent 12-point stag.

21. You have to believe that Reagan's tripling the deficit was good for the economy.

22. You have to believe that the best leaders to espouse family values are those with one or more failed marriages (Dole, Reagan, Gingrich, Barr, Limbaugh, etc.)

23. You have to believe that the members of your national convention represent a good cross-sectional and diverse group of Americans.

24. You have to believe that a national sales tax is better than income tax because everyone uses the same proportion of their income to buy food, clothing, and housing, but really, the only good tax is one which only the poor pay.

25. You have to believe Jesus was a Conservative and shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton. You also ask yourself "What would Jesus Do?" and completely ignore the fact that he stayed out of politics, never tried to get a law passed, never tried to obtain wealth, nor spoke of divisive drivel.

26. You believe that charitable organizations should take care of the poor and then give nothing to charity (i.e. Dick Cheney).

27. You believe that a rape victim should be forced to raise her attacker's offspring and then fight her attempts to get welfare when she tries to do so.

28. You have to believe that a great way to lower air pollution is to get others to ride mass transit; that way you can get to work in your SUV much faster.

29. You have to believe the talk of Randy Weaver and David Koresh are more important than actions of Franklin Roosevelt and Martin Luther King, and what happened at Ruby Ridge is more important than what happened at Selma, Alabama.

30. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton was crazy for talking to spirits in the White House, but Nancy Reagan is OK for consulting astrologers to help her decide U.S. policies while Ronnie was in the hospital.

31) You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old growth U.S. forests is well worth the extinction of the several species of plants and animals therein. Besides, it will prevent forest fires.

32) You have to believe that Aid to Mothers with Dependent children is wasteful, but giving tax breaks to companies moving American jobs overseas is just what government is for.

33) You believe that those who criticize Bush's policy on the 'War on Terror' are nothing but liberal scum who are enemies of the state.

34) You believe that Fox News really is 'Fair and Balanced'

[dock0184]

This brings up a more serious question - Why is America half Republican?

[mcovey]

Twenty-One Steps to Becoming a Democrat

**Virtually anyone can be a Democrat. Just simply quit thinking
(about it) and vote that way. If you want to be a GOOD Democrat,
however, there are some prerequisites you must have first. Compare the
below and see how you rate... **

**1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of Federal
funding. **

**2. You have to believe that the same school system that can't teach 4th
graders how to read is somehow the best qualified to teach those same kids
all
about sex. **

**3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding
Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology, in
the hands of Chinese communists. **

**4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
**
**5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by
cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected
by yuppies driving SUVs'! **

**6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being
homosexual is natural **

**7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on
demand.. **

**8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and
governments create prosperity. **


*9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony
activists from Seattle do. **

**1 0 You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than
actually doing something to earn it. **

**11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start
wars. **

**12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain
parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports
certain parts of the constitution. **

**13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too
high. **

**14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are
more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert
E. Lee or Thomas Edison. **

**15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial
quotas and set-asides aren't. **

**16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is all about "progress" and
not power. She just wants to help us out of the archaic system of
governing that we've been subject to. **

**17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked
anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in
charge. **

**18. You have to believe Republicans telling the truth belong in jail,
but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House and you would
vote him back in there in a New York minute (if you c ould). **

**19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag,
transvestites and beastiality should be constitutionally protected and
manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal. **

**20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the
Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States. **

**21. You have to believe that the vociferous minorities who protest
against prayer and saluting the flag in school have far more rights than
the majority who believe in God and country and want these values to be
instilled in our young children **

**If you are locked in solidly to most of these beliefs -- you're gonna
be a big asset to John Kerry***


we really do need new parties.

[PiRaNeTuS]

1) You believe that drug addiction is a moral failing and a crime, unless the addict is a millionaire conservative radio jock which then makes it an "illness" and he needs our prayers for his "recovery".

2) You believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.

3) You believe that the US should get out of the UN, and that our highest national priority is to enforce the UN's resolutions against Iraq.

4) You believe that government should stay out of people's lives but it needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the "wrong" gender.

5) You believe that pollution is okay, so long as it makes a profit.

6) You believe in prayer in schools, as long as they don't pray to Allah or Buddha.

7) "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

8) You believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever.

9) You believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you, and that Jesus shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary.

10) You hate the ALCU for representing convicted felons, but they owed it to the country to bail out Oliver North.

11) You believe that the best way to encourage military morale is to praise the troops overseas while cutting their VA benefits.

12) You believe that group sex and drug use are degenerate sins that can only be purged by running for governor of California as a Republican.

13) You believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.

14) You believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to alienate our allies and then demand their cooperation and money.

15) You believe that government medicine is wrong and that HMOs and insurance companies have your best interests at heart.

16) You believe that giving free health care to all Iraqis is sound government policy but giving free health care to Americans is socialism.

17) You believe that tobacco's link to cancer and global warming are "junk science", but Creationism should be taught in schools.

18) You believe that waging war with no exit strategy was wrong in Vietnam but right in Iraq.

19) You believe that Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney was doing business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

20) You believe that government should restrict itself to just the powers named in the Constitution, which includes banning gay marriages and censoring the internet.

21) You believe that the public has a right to know about the adulterous affairs of Democrats, while those of Republicans are a "private matter".

22) You believe that the public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades but that Bush was right to censor 28 pages from the Congressional 9.11 report because you just can't handle the truth.

23) You support state rights, which means Ashcroft telling states what locally passed voter initiatives he will allow them to have.

24) You believe that what Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest but what Bush did in the 80s is "stale news" and "irrelevant".

25) You believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because it is communist, but trading with China and Vietnam is good for business.
Twenty-One Steps to Becoming a Democrat

**Virtually anyone can be a Democrat. Just simply quit thinking
(about it) and vote that way. If you want to be a GOOD Democrat,
however, there are some prerequisites you must have first. Compare the
below and see how you rate... **

**1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of Federal
funding. **

**2. You have to believe that the same school system that can't teach 4th
graders how to read is somehow the best qualified to teach those same kids
all
about sex. **

**3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding
Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology, in
the hands of Chinese communists. **

**4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
**
**5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by
cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected
by yuppies driving SUVs'! **

**6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being
homosexual is natural **

**7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on
demand.. **

**8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and
governments create prosperity. **


*9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony
activists from Seattle do. **

**1 0 You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than
actually doing something to earn it. **

**11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start
wars. **

**12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain
parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports
certain parts of the constitution. **

**13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too
high. **

**14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are
more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert
E. Lee or Thomas Edison. **

**15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial
quotas and set-asides aren't. **

**16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is all about "progress" and
not power. She just wants to help us out of the archaic system of
governing that we've been subject to. **

**17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked
anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in
charge. **

**18. You have to believe Republicans telling the truth belong in jail,
but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House and you would
vote him back in there in a New York minute (if you c ould). **

**19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag,
transvestites and beastiality should be constitutionally protected and
manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal. **

**20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the
Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States. **

**21. You have to believe that the vociferous minorities who protest
against prayer and saluting the flag in school have far more rights than
the majority who believe in God and country and want these values to be
instilled in our young children **

**If you are locked in solidly to most of these beliefs -- you're gonna
be a big asset to John Kerry***
I agree with both.

[grab_grab_the_haddock]

Here is the link to the site you ripped:

http://www.lyingsocialistweasels.com/rules_for_being_a_republican.htm

[syntax]

Good one McCovey, finally a little equal treatment around here.

There are always 2 sides.

[Ken17625]

There are always 2 sides.

And very seldom are they completely truthful (which is all that really matters).

Although, out of both sides, I agree with the "left leaning" side a lot more. The "right leaning" side has way more bullshit.

[Miniver]

We need new partys. Big time.
The most sound judgement of the state of American politics I've heard in a long time.

[DampCold]

Very impressive, did you come up with those, or find them somewhere? Entertaining none the less, though I would like to point out that I don't like democrats much either, but they happen to be the lesser of two evils for the time being.

Hmmm, who would you choose? Hitler or Stalin? The lesser of two evils... how about neither.

[mcovey]

Hmmm, who would you choose? Hitler or Stalin? The lesser of two evils... how about neither.

both suck, but being a white heterosexual christian with no jewish background, I'd say hitler because it wouldnt be so bad for me. I mean with stalin no matter who you are it's gonna be bad. :fire

[Burd]

Who says that those of us who don't like the Republicans are necessarily Democrats? It's just that George W.'s been there for four years, and what do we have now that we didn't have before? 1. a major war, 2. a deficit instead of a surplus, 3. more government intrusion into our lives using aforementioned war as justification. Believe it or not, I have voted for Republicans in the past. I don't vote along party lines; I find out how the candidate stands on the issues and vote accordingly. Last time, it was Ralph Nader; this time, Kerry looks like the best choice. Four years from now, I may be kicking myself, but how can it really get any worse?

[YWD67]

wait wait...and your liberal agenda is supposed to be accepting, non-judgemental and non-stereotypical?
Please, your hypocritical nonsense hurts your leftist, idealistic, blame-america-first cause.

-Juice

Oh please! Why is it that when Repbulicans do it, it is called being witty, politicaly savvy or poking fun at; talk about hypocritical. You accuse those of being leftist of having a "blame America first cause", yet Republicans spout the mantra of "taking personnel responsibilty". God I love that old self rightious stand by slogan; "Don't do as I do; do as I say." Oh last Dirk, you left out another lable that the Republicans love to use, that is labeling this thread as "mean spirited".