Van Helsing:one of the worst movies i have ever seen

[moneoa]

I found this post on the internet movie database concerning Van Helsing.
I saw it myself and did all I could from wretching..its bad..only go it your really stoned (serious it has no merit whatsoever).
So this is the post I found so funny:

Re: one of the worst movies i have ever seen
by - Vassago 3 days ago (Mon May 10 17:35:36) Ignore this User | Report Abuse


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Well, there *are* some experiences worse than watching "Van Helsing"...

Being burned alive...
Having a cattle prod applied to genitalia...
Being slowly submerged in liquid hydrogen...
Watching a "Charlie's Angels" and "Charlie's Angels II" marathon...

Admittedly, however, the first three end much more quickly

[cjules13]

Yeah, I heard it sucked too. Then again I heard Hellboy was good but after seeing I thought it was marginal at best...

[Induna]

Same with X-Men, LXG, Underworld and the rest.

If fantasy ain't ya bag, don't fucking nag.

[Ken17625]

I found X-Men (both), and Spiderman to be a snooze fest.

I liked The Punisher, however.

I haven't seen this one yet.

[origin]

this movie was fairly good. a little too animated at times but still held up it's composure. If you liked movies such as hellboy or lxg then this movie might catch your fancy. I give it 7/10 :)

l8

[thewhitrbbit]

I found Van Helsing to be a really enjoyable movie with an interesting interpreation of Dracula myth. I would see it again and definatly buy it on DVD.

[PowerMan57two]

OMG I can't believe what I'm hearing!(reading)

Van Helsing was an AWESOME MOVIE! I loved it! I also liked Hellboy!

Along with both X-Men, Underworld, LXG!!!


AWWW!! well, that's just me, but I'm an all out sci-fi fanatic! SciFi is the best!!!!

[shawners]

I saw it, i think the women that was casted in it shouldnt have been. Her acting wasnt up to par, as well as her dialogue. I hate seeing them put love intrest in the movies, when you just want to see some people get torn up. Good movie, but i dont think ill see it again or buy the dvd. However, i did like X-Men2. Punisher wasnt as good as i was thinking it would be either. maybe John Travolta lacked the mean streak.

[thedirtyd]

i thought it was a pretty good movie. some parts were a little corny and not very funny when they were supposed to be but overall it was pretty good.

[Mels_Smileys45]

The word on the streat is its a really awesome movie. At least from the action movie fans ive talked too. I think people who dont like it are the same who make the Passion of Christ such a hit. When your going to see a work of fiction, a fun filled romp of fantasy, dont worrry if it could really happen or not. I hate people in the movie theater saying shit like "thats not real!" or "that couldnt really happen!". Geez, thats why they make movies, so you can see shit that cant really happen. Ill look out my window if i want to see the real world.

[PiRaNeTuS]

http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/film/vanhelsing.html

An excellent review of this movie

[kiwibank]

http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/film/vanhelsing.html

An excellent review of this movie

hahahahaha...very funny..very cool...i especially like gene shalit`s throw away quote on "lord of the rings"...because most people down here in new zealand think that it`s overrated and crap too......

[Mels_Smileys45]

Im sure Gene Shalit never said that! Come on, he works for NBC fo Christs sake. Its a fake quote. I think it might be from SNL but im not sure. I've kinda thought this movie would suck but from people who have really went to see it, i've been told its good.
EDIT: But one person who told me its good also told me to "go see hulk its great". So it could be a POS but I'll wait to see it before I trash it.



:bling

[kiwibank]

Im sure Gene Shalit never said that! Come on, he works for NBC fo Christs sake. Its a fake quote. I think it might be from SNL but im not sure. I've kinda thought this movie would suck but from people who have really went to see it, i've been told its good.
EDIT: But one person who told me its good also told me to "go see hulk its great". So it could be a POS but I'll wait to see it before I trash it.



:bling

well, if he didn`t say that about "lord of the rings" he should of...$600 million of nz taxpayers money for 3 lots of ho hum special effects and totally crappy acting by second rate actors.

[MoonMan]

I thought it was a terrible movie. The dialogue was shitty.. I wanted to walk out of the movie when I heard "This cannot be". Is there a more cliched line in Hollywood history? It made me nauseous.

The acting was pretty bad too, especially from the main wench/actress who was constantly being attacked by super hot vampire babes who never let even one boob shot through.

I'd have to say though, that Frankenstein made everything go full circle in terms of crap. I know he is supposed to be a sensetive character, but jesus fucking christ all he did was bitch. Throughout half the movie all he does is cry and moan about these weak little shits that capture him , such as the undead or igor, yet he flings a freakin vampire lady across a room by her feet near the end. It's odd how something that is 8 feet tall and about 600 lbs can be pushed around so easily, don't you think ?

There is plenty more that I could say about this stinkfest, but I'd rather not stomp out all glimmer of hope that some may have for this movie being good. If you don't mind the lack of story and enjoy watching shallow characters bounce around the screen switching between "drama" and slapstick humor at a regurgitating rate, surely this movie is for you.

[Dark Messenger]

]all he did was bitch. Throughout half the movie all he does is cry and moan.

now you know how we feel after reading most of your posts. :fire

[Mels_Smileys45]

I hope no ones reviewing a cam version. Cam versions can make the best of movies seem bad.

[MoonMan]

now you know how we feel after reading most of your posts. :fire

That's usually from the agony of reading your atrocious posts.

I guess you think that taking a cheap shot in a movie review thread makes you witty. Good work!

[ducttapeBigSexy]

This movie was terrible - i actually paid to see it, too!

Bad acting, predictible plot, crammed too much into too little of time, and talked about stuff that wasn't in the movie (i.e. "Don't you wonder why you have such bad nightmares?")

[Mels_Smileys45]

I guess I wont go see it now. Too many people say it sucks. I'll wait for it to come on Showtime.



hey Roger Ebert gave it a B. From him thats something! He usually hates all action movies.

[joey tribiani]

I guess I wont go see it now. Too many people say it sucks. I'll wait for it to come on Showtime.



hey Roger Ebert gave it a B. From him thats something! He usually hates all action movies.
The you'll be 10 Bucks Richer and Two Hours and a half younger. BTW:I Think Roger Likes Action movies He likes Arnold's films and Bruce's But he did not like Leon.

[g-smooth2k]

I saw the movie Van Helsing the first day it came out to theaters.
If you like monsters like Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde, Werewolf, Count Vladislaus Dracula, Dr. Victor Frankenstein, and Igor. The movie wasn't the best but it was ok or some what good.

[shawners]

I just saw the movie Troy!! Troy blew van helsink away =) Im thinking troy was better then gladiator. Looking at gladiator, you can tell where the computer graphics was inserted or didnt go with the action or the people as well.

[tamarisk]

Troy and Gladiator were both filmed in Malta :)

[cjules13]

I hope Troy isn't just like Gladiator 2 - I know there's a story behind it but it gotta be more than just like a revenge story I hope...

[cjules13]

well, if he didn`t say that about "lord of the rings" he should of...$600 million of nz taxpayers money for 3 lots of ho hum special effects and totally crappy acting by second rate actors.wow kiwibank - most people are considering the LOTR trilogy even better then the original Star Wars trilogy! ..Not that you should be like most people though ;)

[Induna]

The Lord Of The Rings triogy was painful. I know sadists that have sat through all three films in one sitting. I appreciate the effort Peter Jackson and his crew put into the movies (after viewing the appedicies of Fellowship and Two Towers), it's not easy making a film out of book, a big book, three big books. But hell, still a tiresome, yawnsome episode. VERY OVER-RATED.

[Mels_Smileys45]

I really like LOTR but have yet to watch the third one. That shits just too damn long! lol
I thought the first two were very good though. Its just hard for me to sit through any 3 hour movie unless its Scareface.

[joey tribiani]

.......Had Kate Winslet in it. :heart

[rebirth]

Hate LXG...Hate LOTR, Love Matrices, Liked Hellboy, loved Van Helsing; no plot...but pretty cool.

[moneoa]

I guess I wont go see it now. Too many people say it sucks. I'll wait for it to come on Showtime.



hey Roger Ebert gave it a B. From him thats something! He usually hates all action movies.
Honestly Mels, I do like fantasy and sci fi, X-Men, Underworld were good movies.
Unfortunatly this one was poorly written, poorly acted (Hugh is the only decent one in the movie) Unbelievable physics (carriges apparently burst into flame when werewolves jump on them) Kate Beckinsdale can get thrown into a castle, get electrocuted, fall a few stories and hit everything on the way down but still be in good enough shape to hold on with one hand and save herself. Though in the same 20 mins getting thrown into a couch was for her the same as getting lynched with baseball bats. Lame, however the story did have LOTS of potential. The execution though came off as cheap and campy.

Wait for spider man 2...you might feel alot better about it.

[rebirth]

The Lord Of The Rings triogy was painful. I know sadists that have sat through all three films in one sitting. I appreciate the effort Peter Jackson and his crew put into the movies (after viewing the appedicies of Fellowship and Two Towers), it's not easy making a film out of book, a big book, three big books. But hell, still a tiresome, yawnsome episode. VERY OVER-RATED.


Wow...finally I agree with you on something.

totally crappy acting by second rate actors.

I concurr...look at all of Elijah Wood's movies, and he has the same character. The only true actor in all of the LOTR series was Ian MacKellan. Where the hell did they pick of Liv Tyler from? Isn't she famous only...cuz her dad's Steven Tyler?

just saw the movie Troy!! Troy blew van helsink away =) Im thinking troy was better then gladiator. Looking at gladiator, you can tell where the computer graphics was inserted or didnt go with the action or the people as well.

Ehh...well Troy had a cast of over 1000 ppl...reason for accurate recreation of people: they were people! Gladiator was mediocre, I think...but of course...I like movies like Kill Bill and The Matrices...whatever. Also, Gladiator is relatively old, there have to have been some developments in CG that made Troy so much better.

[waqasr]

i dont think Ven Helsing was tht bad!!
as compare to the movies coming out lately it was
pretty good!!
just saw TROY it was gr8!!!!!!!!!
:shoot :ass :santa

[kiwibank]

wow kiwibank - most people are considering the LOTR trilogy even better then the original Star Wars trilogy! ..Not that you should be like most people though ;)

there is a view, my friend, down here in the land of the long white shroud, the the whole lord of the rings thing was nothing but a gigantic feel good, public relations exercise....with a heavy accent on a myriad of reasons as to why rich investors and certain elements of nz`s creative community should be given massive tax breaks by our government. there is also the view that this exercise was designed to set a precedent in that governments should fork over taxpayers money to private entrepeneurs any time that a project is put foward that is deemed by them (government and the private entity who has offered the idea) to be in the national economic, social or cultural best interest. not only did the new zealand government give lotr $600 million (a lot for a country with 3 and a half to 4 million population) but at local government level (your state level) lotr cost the ratepayers of wellington (our capital city) $1.8 million to host the opening of lotr.

"Wellington rates will go up more than expected this year and the City Council says the 'Lord of the Rings' movie trilogy is partly to blame. A one percent rates increase was allowed for in the draft long term community plan but that increase is looking more like being 1.75 percent."

[Wolfie]

I was pretty disappointed in Van Helsing too. Could Dracula have acted anymore gay in this movie? The accents were pretty fake and I would not minded if the monk (who came off as Q to Hugh Jackman's James Bond) would have been killed fairly early on.

One of the few things I liked about this movie was the CGI werewolves. They looked fairly cool.

[moneoa]

btw I am pleased so many of you liked\hated this movie. It makes for good discussion when not blown out of proportion....like some things can get in familiar places :D

[PowerMan57two]

I thought it was a terrible movie. The dialogue was shitty.. I wanted to walk out of the movie when I heard "This cannot be". Is there a more cliched line in Hollywood history? It made me nauseous.

The acting was pretty bad too, especially from the main wench/actress who was constantly being attacked by super hot vampire babes who never let even one boob shot through.

I'd have to say though, that Frankenstein made everything go full circle in terms of crap. I know he is supposed to be a sensetive character, but jesus fucking christ all he did was bitch. Throughout half the movie all he does is cry and moan about these weak little shits that capture him , such as the undead or igor, yet he flings a freakin vampire lady across a room by her feet near the end. It's odd how something that is 8 feet tall and about 600 lbs can be pushed around so easily, don't you think ?

There is plenty more that I could say about this stinkfest, but I'd rather not stomp out all glimmer of hope that some may have for this movie being good. If you don't mind the lack of story and enjoy watching shallow characters bounce around the screen switching between "drama" and slapstick humor at a regurgitating rate, surely this movie is for you.

Wow! You are tough critic!I thought the movie was great and didn't think anything of the acting. It was normal as you would see in any movie. I'm guessing you're not a total SciFi person, but I could be wrong.

[rainbowdemon]

I just saw Van Helsing this evening. I thought it was pretty good!!

[shawners]

Theres only one way the movie could of been better. If i actually didnt pay for three tickets at 6 dollars a piece. MOvies are as good as you deem the worth of admission is. I download things for free all the time, and i dont enjoy it cause i didnt pay for it. Or maybe its the quality of film. I did like Troy, the ships that was crossing was the only thing that i could notice of not being high quality. Van Helsink had a great actor, i just think the actress wasnt as good. I seen too many women play this role. THe tough, ill stick to my guns routine and if love actually fell in my lap i would fight it towards the end when i realise someone risked their life to save me since i cant take care of myself and cause more problems then good.

[tackdaddy]

well i just got back from the drive-in,i saw van helsing and i thought it was a good movie.it was'nt one of the best movie's i ever seen but it was worth the money i spent to see it.

[Mels_Smileys45]

This is one of the worst sites to talk about movies. It seems alot of people expect to see Shakespear or something. Campy movies can be cool. I even like to see cheezy movies. I can watch Plan 9 From Outer Space and get a kick out of the bad acting and horrible dialog. Ive learned to take peoples opinions here with a grain of salt and a shot of tequila.

[CONAN51753]

Havent You Ever Seen Rob Zomibe's "house Of A Thousand Corpses", Now Thats The Worst Movie I Have Ever Seen

[Mels_Smileys45]

I can agree there. thats a bad one! I hope Rob never does another movie again.He tried to be camp but he did it with no style or flare or sense of direction. To tell the truth, I never made it all the way thru that one. And Im a horror fan.

[CONAN51753]

I Just Remembered That Movie Made After The Video Game, "house Of The Dead" That Was Just As Bad As Rob Zombie's Movie, There's Alot Of Trash Coming Out Of Hollywood And Then They Wonder Why People Dl Instead Of Going To The Movies And Paying $6 Or More, Plus Refreshments. I'll Save My Money And Stick With Emule.

[rainbowdemon]

Damn, people! Lighten up. This is not a work of philosophy. It's just a movie. Mindless entertainment. But i enjoyed it very much!!

[cjules13]

Havent You Ever Seen Rob Zomibe's "house Of A Thousand Corpses", Now Thats The Worst Movie I Have Ever SeenSee now that movie didn't fuck around. I give two thumbs up for 1000 Corpses. That shit was hard-core. Bravo.

You had to like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre theory of horror in part 2 espescially...

[Disaster Man]

OMG I can't believe what I'm hearing!(reading)

Van Helsing was an AWESOME MOVIE! I loved it! I also liked Hellboy!

Along with both X-Men, Underworld, LXG!!!


AWWW!! well, that's just me, but I'm an all out sci-fi fanatic! SciFi is the best!!!!

Oh save me superman.

[IshareManyFilez]

After reviewing this movie seeing it in theaters and on my "TV" I have to say it was made for an older generation of people. The lack of violence, blood, gore and sex was the biggest downfall. Maybe one day my 4 year old son can watch it and enjoy it but untill then it sucked.

[collideous]

The lack of violence, blood, gore and sex was the biggest downfall.

Why would you want that in any movie?